i'm tired too

I never blame you.
for not really care
nor if you never really care at all.
sometimes you get mad and tired of my act and my attitude
I know, I am sorry. I really do

I don't want you to get worry, to get sick of me
to hate me, or tired of me.
but sometimes I just need your attention
I understand if you're busy.
I know you have problems with your parents, friends or you school's subjects
I understand you're tired too
I know.

but at least give me 10 minutes of your day, just to ask me like..
"how's your day?" or just say a little sweet words to cheer me up
I never ask you to give me flowers, presents or too much of your time
or, have I?
sometimes you're just too busy with all of your stuff and yourself
am I disturbing?
just 5 minutes to tell me something so I don't have to go miserable, waiting like a fool
is it so hard for you?

your friends judge me, hate me and talk about me.
I don't even know them
you saw it in your social media, you heard it straight ahead in front of your eyes
and you're still.. standing there and just tell me to be patient
I wont ask you to help me or protect me
but every girl in this world want to be protected
want to feel safe, feel loved, feel .. ah idk either
you don't know how it hurts to be a girl
think that everything in me just never good enough
that your friends hate me so much
and make me think of us is never enough.
I always tell myself to be not so clingy, not to cry, to be understandable, not to be selfish

I whispered to myself
"maybe he just don't know what to do"
"just because he doesn't act like those men in the movie, or love me the way I want him to. doesn't mean he doesn't love me"
but somehow
it hurts..
you even willing to fight with your best friend for your ex, after she hurts you
how about me? don't you ever willing to fight for me in front of them?
i'm breaking. i'm going down. i'm dying.
but you don't know

how if..
how if you just never care?
how if you laugh at everything they say about me?
why don't you at least say something?
even when you're busy, at least be here, 5minutes for me when i'm crying
when I need you the most.
do I have to ask you to do that? don't you have any brain or heart to think? to feel?
I know you're busy but if you really care about someone, you'll always make time for them.. right?
and if you never give me anything just to make me believe.. how can I believe?

I understand if you're too busy to call
too busy to go out with me
too busy to talk to me
too busy to give me a certainty about our relationship
feel a shame of me
too busy to care.
but one day when it's my turn to stop loving you
would you understand? :")
because dear.. i'm tired too
I don't even know what i'm writing about, what i'm doing and what i'm crying for
i don't even know what to write, to say or to feel anymore
i'm just tired
hoping that you' understand that i'm a girl too, i have problems too, i have feelings, i get tired, want to feel safe, be protected, feel special and maybe just... ah, i really don't know
it just hurts